I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
