my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
