this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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