she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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