I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
