I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
