She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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