I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i believe in u and ur pee
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
