Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
