I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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