Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
soo... how was my night?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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