his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
