she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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