I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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