this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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