tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
vagina is talking i cant
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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