i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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