So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
