Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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