Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
