1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i think im in europe. pls send help
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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