I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
zippers are such a cool invention
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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