I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
