I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
