Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
