living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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