Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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