everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
