Screwed.edu
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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