Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
