Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
