So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
