So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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