I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
