I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
