I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
