erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
