Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
