I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
