nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
