HIV tests are more positive than that guy
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
