dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
