I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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