so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I met the friendliest cop last night
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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