I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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