What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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