margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
