he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
we're so committed to being not committed
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
