I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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