Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
